Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
