I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
