who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
