Please, let me fuck your mom
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
