The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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