But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
