Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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