Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
cat food counts as protein by the way
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
