Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
