I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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