Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
