I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
