Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Randomize
