so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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