better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
