You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
