Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
