Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
