and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
