He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I got her a Nickelback box set.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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