I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
