I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
