I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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