ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
