dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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