so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
