some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
