What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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