Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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