my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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