As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I just found puke in my bra..
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
