Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
