Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
