my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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