i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
You can't just leave with hair like that
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
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