What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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