Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
