Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
My vagina just clenched in fear
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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