no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I had to cum in my sink.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
