are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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