I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Damn victory sex feels great
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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