Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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