im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
