i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
