Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
