Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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