i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
He better not be in your backpack
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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