he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
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