Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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