How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
