I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
